Wednesday, April 5, 2017

I Need To Create!

So I’ve discovered podcasts recently because I’m about 5 years or more behind popular culture apparently… Anyway,  I feel like a switch in my brain got flicked on and suddenly I’m a critically thinking human again and not just an obsessive helicopter mother! It’s not like I listened to anything particularly monumental, I think I just tapped into some buried interests that I had forgotten about. A good book may have accomplished the same but they take too long to find, to read, and I live fast. So ya…Podcasts!

My 30’s  have been filled with these bouts of self realization and this most recent self discovery is probably going to ward off some early onset dementia if I'm lucky. The amount of Paw Patrol I have put myself through has surely done damage to my frontal cortex that needs age appropriate cultural stimulation to be repaired. After a couple years of focusing all of my energy on being a good mother I’m realizing now that I haven’t been giving much thought to nurturing my own creativity and MY brain!  I got a little lost in my life…in the daily grind....which is such a 1st world problem, I know.

Becoming a mother is a wonderful life altering experience and the love that comes with it is absolutely indescribable. It basically consumed every fiber of my being and I was just this body filled with motherly love. I lived and breathed this new found purpose and I have been a damn good mother to my beautiful daughter because of it. Buuuut, I went a little cooky and it’s time to take a step back. My husband recently reminded me that I don’t need to RUN to her at the end of everyday. I could take a leisurely walk to daycare and maybe make something not very nutritious for dinner once in a while to avoid the rush…make some space for me.. It’s not gonna hurt her! The day after he said that I didn’t run to the street car after work, I stopped at a vintage clothing store on my way to daycare. We ate late. It was invigorating and life did not come crashing down. I actually felt like a better mother than ever because I was being the mother I had always envisioned myself being, the mother I want Eloise to know she can also be one day...the mother who has a life of her own.

Big breath…SO, the hurdle I now face is figuring out just what kind of a creative outlet I crave. I’ve got so much in my brain it’s hard to focus on one thing and actually DO something. I’ll get on Pinterest looking for a pattern or something and all of a sudden an hour has passed and I’m hungry and then….Netflix. You know what I’m talking about. It’s like I WANT to get back to doing this creative stuff but it’s damn hard to have the energy required when you’ve got the job and the kid and legs to shave!

So ya…maybe I’ll start with a hair clip? A blog post? I think the key is to just do something for the sake of it and not think about it too much. I went to this ACT therapy session in the summer and we did this exercise to figure out what kind of values you have as a person and how your life is measuring up to them. It was a great way to see where you need to focus to live a happier life. The big thing I needed to work on, according to the exercise, was ‘Leisure'. I didn’t really do anything to just bring joy. I kind of laughed it off at the time and was like…ya, ya, I’ve got wine. Seriously though?  That chick was right! I needed some damn leisure! I need to create!

Thanks for letting me pipe in after all this time…hope life has been treating you all well.

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